Sunday, November 3, 2013

Thank You God

I got up early this morning and walked the pups. Real early. We are talking 4:30 am early! THE PUPS HAD TO GO … NOW!  I was so irritated at having to take them out that early and besides, it was cold out there! But I want you to know, once I got outside…the sky was crystal clear and the stars were soooo bright! It was almost like God had just hung them up there in the sky new; for my eyes only.
I actually stayed outside longer than necessary in order to drink in all the beauty that I was gazing up at. I had forgotten how grumpy I had been when I had first gotten up and I actually thanked God for those pups waking me so early to go potty!
I believe God wanted me to see His beautiful work.
Once back inside, I started to stay up, but my good warm bed was calling my name. Let me tell you, it didn’t take long for me to be snuggled back up under the covers again and before I knew it, I was dreaming….
It was summer and I had taken one of my old push mowers up to mama’s house to cut her grass. I had cut the grass up the side of the drive way and made my way around to the backside of the house. It was when I got around back, that the thought crossed my mind that Buster Brown was in the house and I had forgotten to feed him… for days!
Buster was mama’s old Chihuahua that lived to be in his twenties. Before he died, all his teeth had fell out and mama would buy him puréed baby food meat to feed him! I think back now of how we, all her children, got so aggravated at that little dog. We would help mama “walk” him and he could hardly stand anymore, much less walk.  He would go in circles trying to pee for hours it seemed. We use to wonder why mama wouldn’t just go ahead and let the vet do something
Now, after having gotten a little more compassion in my old age, I know why she held on to him with such an iron grip. My Mama was a mama in the truest sense of the word. She had to have something to love, and to care for. That little bitty dog was all she had to love, when we, her children weren’t there.
I pray that God forgives me for not being more understanding.
While in the dream, I was panicking as I walked up onto the back porch. I hadn’t fed Bussie (his nickname) in days, so I needed to get in the house, but I had not brought the key with me. (It is strange that in my dream, I knew in my mind that mama was in a nursing home, but I had not remembered that Bussie was long gone over the rainbow bridge.) Well, when I came to the back door, it was open and the way the house is built, I could see all the way from the back screen door to the front door. It was open too and all the lights in the house were on! It was so light and bright in there and you could just tell that it was as it use to be…
Back when those I love were still there.
I quietly opened the screen door and eased into the kitchen and saw Bussie lying in his little doggy bed by the small space heater in there. He was fine and even looked a lot younger. I heard someone talking in the living room and though I could see the foot of mama’s recliner, I could not see who was in it, because of the way it was positioned behind the  corner. I quietly walk on into the living room and there she sat.
My mama.
She was talking on the phone to someone. Oh, she looked sooooo good! She looked just as she use to look, back when she were younger and now she was talking!
How long has it been since I heard her have a real conversation with someone?
Well, let me tell you, I immediately dropped to my knees there in front of her, crying and hugging her legs and  praising God over and over for letting me see and hear my mama one more time as she use to be…. before Alzheimer's had taken hold.
Thinking back about the dream , it is right comical to me that during my praising of God, Mama became right frustrated at me for interrupting her phone conversation! She thought I had lost it and let me know it in no uncertain terms! By this time the thought had already came to me that this was indeed a dream. But I didn’t care and I kept on praising God. I can’t even describe how good it felt to hear my mama speak normal again. It mattered not what she was saying to me,  I just wanted her to know me. So, while she was royally chewing me out for interrupting her conversation, and letting me know that she raised me better than that, I kept saying to her… “ Mama, just say my name…please…just say my name”

This was one of the best dreams I have had in a long, long time.
My mama said my name.
She knew me.
Thank You God for Your many blessings on me.



Helen said...

What a great blessing you received while asleep.

Lynne Islynne said...

Oh the tears, what a beautiful dream! It also offered an Oh me moment because when my mother took ill, I had the job of taking care of "Shrek" her schnauzer. Its real name is Tori, but she has this horrible shrieking bark and one day in frustration I went to fuss and say "Look Shriek" and it came out "Shrek" and it has stuck ever since, lol. Anyway, if I have to walk this dog again I will do it with patience and love after reading your post. Thank you for sharing. God Bless!

Anonymous said...

what a blessing how sweet. mom relays only anger most times. its amazing how she can be so sneaky lie to a dr tell us when she left she lied . hide patches because she knows daddy numbers them ; yet 20 times ask why we are going some places and why what for. This season has been so hard hearing holiday music has made me so sad. She use to love to look at lights but n olonger will go and claims that she does not like lights. It makes me sad to hear the music now. I got to get past this rach is so excited wants to hear it this year. I need to let her hear it and enjoy hearingit with out me making her feel like it hurts me. love the story of the dog

Kath said...

Aww Carlene what a lovely Dream and story too.Brought tears to my eyes.How wonderful you heard your Dear Mama speak again.God is Good.Love you Mills.Take Care God Bless Kath xx