I got up this morning with a lightness to my soul.
As I walked the pups in the early morning mist, I pondered why I felt such ease, such calm...and nothing came to mind.
Later on, as I sat here at the computer checking on my friends and family, I could see the first rays of sun begin filtering in through my bedroom window blinds..and I thought, 'that must be it..the weather has turned out so nice here lately. More like Spring than the winter that we are suppose to be having', but still I had this little nudging..that there was more to it than that.
A little bit later, I went into the kitchen and began fixing me and Dan a bite of breakfast. I got the bread down, buttered it and placed it in my oven to toast while the skillet heated up for the bacon and eggs. I got my special little grits pot that I like to use and put some water and salt in it to boil for my Quaker Grits...real grits...not those instant things...
The thought that, 'Danny would climb out of the grave', had I used instant grits briefly flickered across my mind.
And that is when it hit me. Today marked the 6th year that Danny had been gone. He died on a Sunday, a Sunday that was in all aspects just like today. Just as we were on our way to lunch at the Waffle House, he had a massive heart attack...and in only a couple of hours, he was gone....way too soon.
We were suppose to grow old together.
Well, I got the breakfast cooked and placed on the table and by this time it was nearing 10:30 am so I hurriedly ate mine and placed a clean towel over Dan's plate. I went into my bedroom, changed clothes and headed out the door.
You see, it had came to me clear as a bell, that I needed to go to church..and when GOD calls, I listen...or at least, try my best to. And He had called me this morning..rang up my soul just as good as ... no, better... than if He had a high powered cell phone ringing it's number.
Even though I had gotten such a late start, I walked into Church at 10:55...a full five minutes before Church service was to begin. One of the first songs we sang out of the hymnal, was one my mama played on the piano almost every Sunday at Penfield Church when I was a little bitty girl on Horseshoe Bend; 'Love Lifted Me'.
(How fitting for today!)
Anytime I hear or sing these old hymns my mama played, it never fails to bring a peacefulness deep within me. How well I remember her letting me sit with her on that old piano bench, as she played in that little country church.
I couldn't have been much older than Wyatt or Will and she let me sit there with her the whole time she played....talk about being brave!
Today, when it came time for the Choir to go to their places, no one moved. Even the preacher's wife stayed seated next to me...whispering that her husband would be singing this morning.
The very first song he sang was; 'Knowing You'll Be There' , which speaks of getting to meet your beloved again and how much you have missed them here on earth. The next was, 'Go Rest High On That Mountain'...about how one suffers here sometimes, until their final day on Earth, when they can finally find peaceful rest.
When the preacher finished singing and stepped down from the alter, he stepped right up to where I was standing, and told me how he missed so much fishing with Danny...and how he missed him just being here.
Then he told me how he had been having Danny on his mind when he chose those two songs to sing.
( I have been away from church for over a month now. When the preacher chose those songs, he had no inkling that I would be sitting in that pew today. )
But GOD KNOWS our future.
He plans it.
I firmly believe that God called to my soul this morning. I believe that He wanted me to be in His house, so I could remember His message...
His promise.
That though I will always miss Danny, we will see each other again one day...
'And in that day, there will be no more tears, no more suffering, no more pain and no more death.'
Oh Hallelujah!
To God be the Glory!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
It is strange when you think about it...having a home in Facebook Land.
But I do...and you do too, if you live amongst us.
I think of it as a virtual neighborhood...a place like "CHEERS". The sitcom about a bar, where you can 'go where everybody knows your name.'
Here in Facebook Land, I have good friends and family. Ones that are here to cheer me up when I am down, help me when I am in need and even pray for me when I am in need of a Higher Power.
I was at work when my daughter showed me a post by one of my friends. Sally had posted a picture that she took of me that day at the Bar-B-Que while she and her mom ate lunch. Underneath that post was over 40 comments...all from good friends and family who, without another thought, offered to donate money and even a free computer to help me come back home.
It amazed me to think that they care about Me...I am nothing special....just an old lady who was a little country girl who came from the poorest of poor...who yet still lives in a tiny rundown Milltown house on the wrong side of the tracks.
It touched my heart..made my soul sing...to know that there are yet still angels among us...that there are still good people in this world of ours and they are actually my friends and family... and all those people care about me. It made me cry, made me humble...made me want to strive to be a better, more caring person, like they are. It made me want to hug every last one of them.
It made me bow my head right there at my table at work and say a prayer thanking my Heavenly Father for all of them and asking Him to bless them all for their loving kindness.
Yes...I have a home in Facebook Land...and it is filled with angels....
And a secret Santa.
Thank God I am home.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
My computer died....again...and this time, unfortunately, it is gone for good.
My son doesn't understand what the big deal is. He tells me constantly how he could care less about computers. What he doesn't realize is that my computer was not just an electronic device. It was a life line to the outside world, a place I could go to find out how my cyber friends are. More than that, it was part of my daily ritual to come in from work, grab something to eat and drink and then get on line.
At my age, I do not like change. For days, I found myself sitting at my desk just staring at a blank monitor...trying again and again to get it to start up....Sort of like the doctor on the TV show Greys Anatomy. You know...The one who can't stand the thought of his patient dying on him..so he keeps pumping and pumping the patient's heart...hoping against hope, to hear that first faint heart beat....but like the doctor, I got nothing...just a flat line and the steady beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Time of death.....Nov. 06, 2011.
So my daughter has loaned me her laptop, until I can afford to get another PC. God bless her heart, I think she knew I was on the verge of a melt down. lol
In other news...I went to see my mama this past Wednesday. Alzheimer's is taking it's toll on her. When I am talking to her, I catch myself looking deeply into her eyes..as if I am trying to find her in there somewhere. Sometimes it actually seems like there is a veil there..as if she is hiding behind it ...in a place where I can not go. It hurts me soooooooooo bad to see her this way. She is my mama...and she doesn't even recognize me 99 percent of the time. It is all I can do to choke back the tears that are constantly trying to escape while I am with her. I don't want her to see me crying, because she will not understand and it will upset her. The nursing home called Friday, saying they were going to up the amount of a vitamin and calorie supplement she is getting to three times a day. She is not eating enough. I had noticed when she went to supper this past Wednesday, that she just sat and looked at her food.
On happier news, Wyatt and will are growing like weeds. They are constantly amazing me with the things that they say and do and how quick they are in all ways. I rode to Ingles the other night with Amanda so I could sit in the car with them while she went in to get a few things. While sitting there, Wyatt said, "Maw-Maw, will you come home with me?" I said, Wyatt, I can't. I have to go to my house." "But Maw-Maw" he said, "My chickens miss you!" Now you have to understand, his mama and daddy have about a dozen chickens that they helped hatch and are now raising. I choked back my laughter and asked, "what did you say Wyatt?" He said, "Maw-Maw, I said my chickens miss you. They are crying for you! You need to come home with me so they will quit crying!"
You know what I think?
To have someone want you to go home with them soooooooo bad that they say that their chickens are crying for you....Well you know right then and there that you are LOVED beyond all measure....
God bless their little hearts...
GOD IS SO GOOD.
If God never gives me another blessing in my life...
He has already given me TWO of the greatest blessings in the world.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
You know, they say we learn something new everyday and I believe this to be true, because the older I get, the more I realize that, although my younger self always thought she knew it all...
She didn't.
Take today for example. Me, Dan, Amanda, Kelvin and my two grandsons went to Homecoming at West End Baptist, which I am a member of. There is no way that my younger self would have had enough smarts to enjoy it as much as my older self did.
My younger self would have probably been keeping an eye out for the good looking guys that may have shown up with family or most likely wondering what I was going to do when I left...
But not this older self...
As soon as I opened the door of the Church, I was greeted by friends and family..As I proceeded on down the aisle, to get to the old wooden pew that I sit in up front, more and more folks offered their hands, their hugs and their smiles...Folks that have come into my life at various times for various reasons... and also hometown folks...old friends that I went to school with and grew up with, were there.
As I glanced over to tell Miss Thelma hello, I saw my distant cousin sitting there beside her...and I was so surprised and happy! Denise was the friend that I played jump rope, hop scotch and jackstones with in those long ago days of childhood. She is also the one that I use to spend the night with and get up and go to church with her and her parents on Sunday morning. Not only was her mom a good Christian woman, but she sure could cook good Sunday dinners too!
At the end of the aisle, near my pew, was Preacher Robinson...not only my pastor, but also a good friend...one who went fishing with Danny many a time and in the end, when God called my husband home, with a tear in his eye, he also preached his funeral.
Today, instead of having Church as usual at 11:00 am, it began at 10:00 with the Lanier Land Boys, a Gospel music group, that shook the rafters with their spirited singing and playing! Later on, Preacher Wayne Usry got up and gave a real good sermon about how tomorrow may be just one day too late to get to know Jesus.
Preacher Wayne use to preach at our Church many, many years ago...back when I was my younger self. During today's Homecoming, (back at this same little church he use to preach at), we celebrated his 40th year of preaching God's words! Wonder just how many souls he helped save in all those years? Don't you know that it has to be one of the best feelings... to know that you have led someone to Christ and ultimately to everlasting life...I know that when he steps through those pearly gates, that God will say;
" Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Sitting in front of my pew were my niece and her husband and their daughter....and also my niece's mom, Sue. Sue was my friend way back in school and ended up marrying my brother right before she graduated. After years together, in the end, their marriage didn't last...but our friendship did. There is nothing that I would not do for her...and visa-versa.
I hear the door to the Church open and in walks Sandra, my friend from Facebook! Later on, as I am sitting stuffing my mouth
~~now you know Southern Baptist ALWAYS have to eat at Homecomings~~
I glance up and there is Sandra taking my picture! I love that lady so much...I have the highest respect for her...after all the adversity that she has been through, ( She lost her husband not long ago and right afterwards was in a head on collision and very nearly lost her life ) she comes out of it smiling and laughing and making sure that you do too! She is such an awesome lady!
Watching my two grandsons put their little hands together and clap to the beat of the good gospel music...watching them run around and play outside afterwards...watching as Wyatt hunts for and finally finds "Miss Agnes" the preacher's wife...(and also a friend)...so she can give them a bolo paddle and ball, like she did many months ago when they came to church here...(That child has a memory like an elephant!) and just being with my daughter and son together in Church like in days gone by....had some very powerful emotions running around inside my soul.
Yep...my younger self probably would have missed picking up on all the love that was in that old church today...
But my Older self didn't.
"Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love. "
1 Corinthians 13:13
Thank YOU GOD for all YOUR many blessings on me.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2001.....
It was a beautiful morning,with bright clear blue skies as Margaret Seeliger and her husband Bruce left their Manhattan apartment and stood in line to vote in New York's primary election. It was a sunny day and all the airports were reporting 100% visibility.
After voting, they would have walked on toward work together as usual, but Bruce had a doctor's appointment. So this morning, they kissed goodbye at the corner of 76th Street and Third Avenue. Bruce stood watching as Margaret boarded the train that would take her to her job and unknowingly, to her fate. You see, only thirty-four years old, Margaret Seeliger was employed as Head of the Student Health Division of Anon Insurance.
Which happened to be located on the 100th floor at 2 World Trade Center in New York.
Margaret had boundless energy, and lived her life to the fullest. She felt and often stated that "you never know how long you have here on this earth" so she was always busy. Many of her weekends were spent in Buffalo visiting with her mom, who had fallen victim to Alzheimer's. Margaret was a very important part of her mom's care, attending to even the smallest details for her.
Since her mother was no longer able to do so, Margaret had taken over the role of being "Grandma" to her 11 nieces and nephews. She and her husband Bruce were constantly traveling to soccer games, or school plays in Rochester, California, Philadelphia and Atlanta. Looking so much like her own mom, the children had even began calling her "Grandma".
On some weekends, she and Bruce would catch a flight to Atlanta to visit with her sister Beth and her three children. It was on one of those last visits that Margaret asked Beth to hold on to the crib and baby clothes that she had in her basement...secretly confiding that she wanted to start trying to get pregnant that November.
November never came for Margaret.
On that bright and beautiful morning of September 11, 2001, Bin Laden ordered an attack on AMERICA, killing thousands of innocent people as planes crashed into the the Pentagon, an open field and… The World Trade Center Towers.
Where Margaret worked.
I can not imagine the fear and the panic that had to be running rampant through the buildings as people tried to flee to safety, but Margaret Seeliger bravely gave up her space on the last over crowded elevator that would leave the 100th floor of 2 World Trade Center… So that two of her colleagues could make it out.
MARGARET SEELIGER DIED A TRUE HERO.
So, Bin Laden…MAY YOU FOREVER ROT IN THE HELL THAT WE HAVE SENT YOU TO. YOU DESTROYED OUR TOWERS, YOU MURDERED OUR PEOPLE, BUT YOU DID NOT DETROY THAT WHICH HAS ALWAYS MADE AMERICA THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD…
LOVE, COMPASSION, LOYALTY, BRAVERY AND OUR BELIEF IN THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE GOD.
God bless you Margaret Seeliger and May Our Almighty God rest your soul….May His Holy Spirit continue to bring comfort to your family and friends.
YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.
FOR WE WILL NEVER FORGET
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
I went to see my mama today. I found her at the end of the hall that leads to her room. She was sitting in her wheelchair, staring intently out the glass door that looks out onto the parking lot.
I came up to her and touched her arm and asked, " What are you doing mama?" She turned to me with the fading blue eyes that don't recognize her youngest child anymore and said, " Hi Mam! I was just sitting here, waiting...My mama is suppose to come and get me today and take me home with her." I swallowed hard and said, "She is? Well that will be nice." As she happily talked about getting to go home again, I quickly got behind her wheel chair and began rolling her back to her room.
The nurses say that she can not find her room anymore and that worries me all the time. What if she wants to lie down, or just be in her room? I know the nurses will take her there, if they aren't too busy, but what if she doesn't think to ask?
When I get her to her room, I give her the little goodies bag I have brought with me. Like a child, she loves the little treats I bring her. Sometimes it is a few cookies, sometimes peanut butter and cheese crackers, sometimes candy.Today it was a couple of soft oatmeal raisin cookies and a few animal crackers. She immediately took half of them out and placed them on her little eating table there in front of me. Then she began begging me to eat. Back on Horseshoe Bend, she never ate until all her children had eaten....old habits die hard.
The whole time she was munching on her cookies, she was asking me to come live with her and her mama; my (deceased)grandmother. She was explaining how we would have such a good time living together.
It seems that the further my mama goes into the Alzheimer's, the further back her mind takes her. The years that her mind has taken her to now are way before my time. So I am no longer in her world now. Not as her baby girl anyway. I am "Mam"...just some lady who comes around to see her...and this breaks my heart.
I busy myself doing things, so I can try to forget about the lump in my throat. I start by brushing her hair. Then I began clipping her fingernails and end by changing her sweater to a newer one...a cleaner one. I am thinking about all the times she did these very same things for me. The whole time I am fixing her up, she is begging me to come live with her and her mama. No matter how hard I try to change the subject, she is having none of it. Like a merry-go-round, we go around and around with it...over and over.
After a while, I tell her I have to leave. She asks me when I will be back and I tell her soon...As I am walking out of her room, she calls for me to come back..and I do. She looks at me a minute and she says very quietly; " If I'm not here when you get back, it is because I have gone home with mama".
I am trying my very best not to cry before I get out of her room. Just as I get back to the door to leave, she yells, " HEY!!! You know what??"
I stop again, turn around, smile and say, "What Mama?"
She smiles the brightest smile and says, "Tommie is alive!"
( Tommie is her brother who passed away in the early 60's)
My mama...the lady her gave me life..who fed me, clothed me, washed my little body in a tin tub...stayed with me during my many sicknesses and stood by me all my life.... Has left me to go somewhere back in time.
Like a little child, I want to beg, "please don't leave me mama"...I want to wail and cry and throw a hissy fit..I want my mama to come back....
Listening to her talk about where her and her mama's home is, she has to be somewhere in the 1930's.
A place in time where she still has her brother and sisters, and her mama...A place in time where life was simple and good.
I love you my mama.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
