On Monday night, my mama was admitted into the hospital in critical condition. It probably couldn’t have been a worse time. She had children and grandchildren over 500 miles away, some in places with 7 inches of snow. Sleet was forecast to begin falling on top of the snow the next night. When I asked if I needed to call the family in, the doctor told me that although mama was most likely going to die, he couldn't pin point how long she had. He said he wasn't God, and with Mrs. Lindsey, you sure couldn’t make a guess, because she was one of the strongest women he had ever known and had fooled him in December when she was so sick. ( She got well!) So we said we would wait until all the tests came back the next day.
But I had a feeling this time.
For the last three weeks I have dreamed one certain dream over and over. This dream I was having, although not too bad, had left me with an uneasy feeling.
The first thing I noticed Monday evening as I walked into mama’s room at the hospital was a huge painting of a beautiful dogwood tree on the wall. It made me think of my daddy who has been dead for years. He loved dogwood trees.
Even though mama wasn’t awake, I sat out there for a long time that night just talking to her, telling her how much I loved her, how she was the best mama I could have had, how hard I knew she had worked to raise us all when we were so very poor, how strong she was, and I also let her know that her baby was there. When the nurses said that all the test results wouldn’t be in until the next morning anyway, I went ahead and left to go home around 10pm or so, to try get a little sleep…
Figuring I would come back early the next morning.
It was just as I was heading out the front door of my house the next morning around 8 am, that my home phone begin to ring. Being in a hurry to get out there with mama, I debated on just letting it ring. (Because I had given the hospital my cell phone number in case they needed me.)
Something just told me to turn around and go on back in the house and answer the phone.
It was the doctor and before he even told me, I knew my mama was already gone. He said she went peacefully with no pain. It’s true what they say about hindsight being 20/20, because I wish with all my heart that I had went on and stayed the whole night with my mama and been with her when she took her last breath.
I can’t changed that now, and I know I will have to live with that fact for the rest of my life.
My mama is gone.
I will never again on this earth see her sweet smile or hear her voice…the mother’s voice I have heard since my birth. I loved her so much and although I knew this day would eventually come, it has still been such a hard loss. I was her baby, and she used to tell me I would ALWAYS be her baby. (I have caught myself telling Amanda and Dan the same thing, so yeah I know what she meant.)
Even in the midst of sorrows, you can sometimes still find good things happening around you if you look hard enough….
I am so very proud of my two children and my nieces and nephews. Although they didn’t have to, they collected money between them all to buy the beautiful spray for their grandma’s casket. Knowing Grandma’s favorite color was yellow, they had it filled full of yellow roses. Even grandchildren who lived far away proved their love for their grandmother, God bless them all. Then again, they knew what they had lost…a grandma who loved them with all her heart..
God was with us because my mama’s son and daughter and their families made it down over a mountain, through ice and snow without accidents for the funeral. I got to see family that I had not seen in a very long time. It is so sad that the only time we as a family get together, is always at a funeral, but then again, you also find out there are wonderful friends, neighbors and family who really care and are praying for you.
It comforts me to know…
My mama's legs and feet are now healed and she is in no more pain.
Where that bastard (Alzheimer's) had robbed her of memories of her own children, today her mind is clear and those precious memories are restored. My mama is reunited with her loved ones…even the little sister we never got to meet.
Yes, my heart is broken, but I still stand on the promise from our Almighty God that one sweet day, we will meet our loved ones again. And on that day; “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." Revelation 21:4
Finally, I am trying very hard to remember that even though we all face trials and sorrows in this world at one time or another….
He is always with us.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.