Sunday, March 22, 2015

CHANGES

I have been thinking about this and I have found that the older I get, the more I hate change. It irks me a lot too, because I use to not be this way! I was a brave little booger when I was younger! Nothing bothered me. I was BRAVE!  I loved change! Ha!
There  have been a LOT of changes in my life lately. It seems like too many sometimes.
Since I lost my sweet mama, not only have I had to deal with the grief, but I have had to deal with the changes that her death brought about. See,  I have always been my mama’s ‘go to person’. In earlier days, I paid her bills, bought her groceries, took her to therapy, to the doctor and to the hospital or anywhere else she needed or wanted to go. Living so close to each other, we had many, many phone conversations and loads of face to face, and heart to heart time.
This changed in latter years, right before Alzheimer's started creeping up on her, her phone calls were getting less frequent and a lot shorter. She didn’t cook much anymore, so I began cooking and taking her meals to her everyday. Right before she was placed in the nursing home I began keeping her medicines in my purse because she would forget if she took them and either miss a dose or double up. So, I began taking them to her;  two, three and four times daily. Thank God she lived right around the corner from me and that Danny was still alive at the time… he helped me so much when I had to be at work.
For many years, this was my life.
Things changed again when she became a resident of the nursing home. I no longer had to take her meds to her, cook for her or take her to her to medical appointment, but sadly she no longer called me ...instead I went to see her. Oh, I still sat down at my desk the first of every month and made out the checks that had to go to the post office. I bought her clothes and other odds and ends. I did all the paper work for her nursing home stay each and every year and of course I visited her…which would most always break my heart. You could find me walking out the nursing home door crying if it were a bad day and she didn’t know me and also when it was a good day and she did know me. 
For years, this was my life.
That all changed the day my mama died. At 61 year old, I am now an orphan and just as when Danny died, I have had to learn some things all over again and make a new routine for myself.  I don’t know how to describe it, except to say that I feel lost without her, and also without my routine.
This is little less traumatic, although traumatic is the right word and it also involves change.
My car died.
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I have had my 1996 Ford Taurus for 19 years. I wish I could say that it was the best car I ever had, but if I did I would be telling the biggest lie!That dog-gone thing was a a dang lemon from the get go. No, on second thought, it was not just a lemon, it was an all out sour lemon. The gear shift handle falling off into my hand as I placed it in reverse (just two months after we got it BRAND NEW) should have been my first warning! A soon as we got it out of the shop and back home, the heater core went out! Not too bad when you still have a full warranty, but It went from bad to worse. Every year I had to replace or fix something and trust me, it was NEVER something simple or cheap. I should have traded it in when it was still new, but I kept hoping the last repair would fix it!
I kept hoping that for 19 long years folks! I wanted to be like my first grade teacher, Miss Sally Purks, who drove her old T Model Ford (or was it an old A model?) until she died.
( I told you I hated change!)
Then one day earlier this month, I was in my 1996 Ford Taurus. I was on my way to the  bank to deposit my check when I stopped at the stop sign at Mr. Glass’s home. I pulled out about 3 feet and the car stopped going. Oh, it was still getting the gas, but it wasn’t going anywhere! Like a dummy, I kept revving up the engine, hoping against hope that something would catch and all would be fine. HA! I ended up rolling to the Bank and calling for a tow truck. ( How lovely it was that Dan was with me and panicking the whole time! ha! ) My mechanic and I  were hoping it would be a simple fix but oh nooooo…..
It was the transmission.
We all know that one of the most costly repairs there is on a car is the transmission. The only thing left to go wrong would be the motor and I just knew it would be next. So, after 19 years of that old Taurus being a pain in our butts, but also hauling our family hither and yon ( when it worked)  I pulled the plug.
I felt like I was knocking off a family member, albeit a highly aggravating one, and it hurt!
How ironic was that the only luck I ever had with my 1996 Ford Taurus, was that it took it’s last breath on Main Street in Greensboro, Georgia and not on the interstate miles from home. Thank You God.
I also want to give thanks to God for sending some good friends to me in my time of need. I was worried to death about what I would do about a car, when a friend, out of the blue, messaged me and said their family had a car for sell.
So I bought it.
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This picture was taken when I was at the Tag office getting the title and tag changed over. It is a 2000 Ford Lincoln Town Car. No, it’s not new. It is 15 ears old, and it is not perfect, but it only has 68,000 miles on it.  It’s a lot bigger than what I am use to, with a lot of fancy electrical equipment, (hey, I am still learning all the buttons!), but as long as it will get me from point A to point B, without breaking down, I will be more than satisfied! I like it and am going to welcome it into my family with all the love and care it’s previous owner had for it.
Change can be scary and it can be soooooo hard to deal with. You know what though? 
I STILL KNOW THAT I AM BLESSED.
How truly lucky I am to have good friends who really care, ( you know who you are) my children, my son-in-law, my sweet grandchildren, my family, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet and food on my table.The amazing thing is…
I could go on and on.
Thank You Lord for Your many blessings on me.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

5 comments:

Paige Hubbard said...

I know how much you did for your sweet mama as a child and when she was at the nursing home. I now when a car or an object holds more sentimental value than monetary value. I believe God works everything out in His time. I'm your friends could help. As always I love to read your blogs.

Helen said...

So glad that you could get the car. Good luck with it.

Barbara In Caneyhead said...

God bless you and keep you Carlene! So glad you were able to buy a decent car. We've driven many vehicles well into the 200,000 mile range. As long as you do good maintenance for you new ride, you should be fine for quite a while.

Love you!

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Changes are hard, but they do come to all of us. I've had a lot of them too. I've lost my husband, my parents, and even a grandchild. It's hard to imagine my life as it used to be sometimes. Like you I've lots of good friends and family that help out too. Blessings, like changes come our way every day. Hope you have better luck with this new to you car.

Kath said...

Awww I am soooooo happy to read you have managed a new car Carlene.You deserve this and more.I know how hard it is without Mama around.God works in mysterious ways and I am sure she will be with you,keeping you safe on all your new journeys.Along with maybe, playing a prank or two on you LOL!! Have a great Thursday Love you mills.Take Care God Bless Kath xxx