Monday, November 14, 2011

DAYS OF MY LIFE

My computer died....again...and this time, unfortunately, it is gone for good.

My son doesn't understand what the big deal is. He tells me constantly how he could care less about computers. What he doesn't realize is that my computer was not just an electronic device. It was a life line to the outside world, a place I could go to find out how my cyber friends are. More than that, it was part of my daily ritual to come in from work, grab something to eat and drink and then get on line.

At my age, I do not like change. For days, I found myself sitting at my desk just staring at a blank monitor...trying again and again to get it to start up....Sort of like the doctor on the TV show Greys Anatomy. You know...The one who can't stand the thought of his patient dying on him..so he keeps pumping and pumping the patient's heart...hoping against hope, to hear that first faint heart beat....but like the doctor, I got nothing...just a flat line and the steady beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Time of death.....Nov. 06, 2011.

So my daughter has loaned me her laptop, until I can afford to get another PC. God bless her heart, I think she knew I was on the verge of a melt down. lol


In other news...I went to see my mama this past Wednesday. Alzheimer's is taking it's toll on her. When I am talking to her, I  catch myself looking deeply into her eyes..as if I am trying to find her in there somewhere. Sometimes it actually seems like there is a veil there..as if she is hiding behind it ...in a place where I can not go. It hurts me soooooooooo bad to see her this way. She is my mama...and she doesn't even recognize me 99 percent of the time. It is all I can do to choke back the tears that are constantly trying to escape while I am with her. I don't want her to see me crying, because she will not understand and it will upset her. The nursing home called Friday, saying they were going to up the amount of  a vitamin and calorie supplement she is getting to three times a day. She is not eating enough. I had noticed when she went to supper this past Wednesday, that she just sat and looked at her food.

On happier news, Wyatt and will are growing like weeds. They are constantly amazing me with the things that they say and do and how quick they are in all ways. I rode to Ingles the other night with Amanda so I could sit in the car with them while she went in to get a few things. While sitting there, Wyatt said, "Maw-Maw, will you come home with me?" I said, Wyatt, I can't. I have to go to my house." "But Maw-Maw" he said, "My chickens miss you!" Now you have to understand, his mama and daddy have about a dozen chickens that they helped hatch and are now raising.  I choked back my laughter and asked, "what did you say Wyatt?"  He said, "Maw-Maw, I said my chickens miss you. They are crying for you! You need to come home with me so they will quit crying!" 

You know what I think?

To have someone want you to go home with them soooooooo bad that they say that their chickens are crying for you....Well you know right then and there that you are LOVED beyond all measure....

God bless their little hearts...

GOD IS SO GOOD.

If God never gives me another blessing in my life...

He has already given me TWO of the greatest blessings in the world.


GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

10 comments:

Nova said...

So Sorry about your computer. I hope you can get another one. you know they are getting cheaper and cheaper 300 bucks . so thankful amanda loaned you you her lap top how you like the lap top ? nice to sit and get mobil.
yes I knwo that looking deep to find the person you once kenw. I kow that feeling well. I know how you search and search but the eyes are hallow. like looking into the abyss.

yes you been blessed with two special grandbabies.l I Hope amanda has more I dlove to see you with a girl yup grandkids are the best love ever.

Kath said...

I know just how you feel Carlene regarding the computer.When mine plays me up I feel like I have been dropped on a desert Island.Many people who don't have one or have never had interest in them cannot understand how important they are to us.As for Wyatt well I rolled with laughing I have just read your blog post down the phone to Rooster and he said that brings back memories.Enjoy those two little darlings as much as you can,time passes sooooo quickly and it is something that eats away at me.I would love to turn back the clock for those treasured moments,just for one day would be fantastic.
So sorry to read about your Dear Mama she is in my prayers always along with you and yours.Take Care God bless Kath Love ya lots. xx

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

It was so good to hear from you. Those words from your sweet little grandson just broke my heart. That is one you will never forget. His chickens missed you. I know that they do love you for sure, not just the chickens were missing you. So sorry to hear about your mother. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Glad you were able to use your daughter's laptop. I know I'd be lost without mine.

Gerry said...

That was so cute and lovable, what your grandson said to you. Yes, without a doubt he loves you very much, and so do his chickens!

madcobug said...

Those boys sure are cute with their sayings and ways. Praying that you can get another computer soon.Helen

Suzi Que said...

I'm so sorry to hear that your computer bit the dust but I am glad Amanda let you borrow hers! It's good to see you on the blog and on FB again!
I'm saddened to know that your Mama is slipping further away. I know it's hard to see her and have her not know you but I do believe they are in their own happy place. You're in there somewhere with her as are all of her loved ones. Bless her heart and bless yours. You've been a wonderful daughter and I know you must be a grandmother like no other if chickens are crying for you and missing you! Goodness! I don't think I've ever been loved like that! Love you sweet cousin!

Donna said...

I've always found it interesting that God sent you grandchildren not so long after your husband's death. He has great timing, doesn't He?
I would go into withdrawal without my computer. It's my window on the world.

Lisa said...

I'm so glad your daughter was able to loan you a computer until you can get a new one! I remember having that feeling of where is my grandma when she was in the nursing home... it hurt so much to see her that way!! So cute about Wyatt and those chickens!

Missie said...

I would just die without a way to get online everyday. LOL

Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.

Rjet33 said...

I understand all too well about computer problems, Carlene. Been having them myself. I would be lost without my computer, so I limp along with it as best I can and hope it will hold out until I can buy another one. Sorry to hear about your Mom. I know that has to be tough for you. Thankful you have those precious grandbabies to make your days brighter! Happy New Year!