Sunday, January 31, 2010

STRAY THOUGHTS, STRAY ANIMALS AND STRAY HUMAN BEINGS



Random thoughts sometime come in my mind and stick around for a while… and they have me thinking back through the days of yonder…


Like…when I was a little bitty thing, back on Horseshoe Bend….during the summer mornings, sometimes mama would let us take a quilt outside to lay on the grass . After carefully making sure all the rocks and sticks were cleared away, we would lay that quilt down …and plop down on it…just to gaze up into a magnificent blue sky full of puffy white clouds floating lazily by. We would have such a good time seeing what we could make out of those clouds…faces, animals and such.


If I think hard enough, I can still smell the clover and the green grass beneath that quilt and hear the chickens cackling and the bees buzzing around us…feel the kitten’s soft furry bodies that always seem to be nuzzled up against our cheeks as we drifted off into sleep…lying out there on our quilt.


Those days come back to me frequently…in thoughts and memories…I can very distinctly hear my mama calling….“here chicky chicky, chicky”…as she fed our chickens in the back yard. I can see her now bending to scatter the feed from the old Rex lard can onto the dirt yard near the wooden smokehouse….or see her using that ax to split a huge piece of wood on the stump near the well, to be able to put it into the old potbellied wood heater so we children would be warm in the cold days of winter.


When that heater went out during the night , we were huddled together three to a bed and yet we still shivered from the cold…It galls me now to hear children moan and groan because they do not have their own room…heck, back then we never had our own bed….much less our own room…There was one bedroom where that heater was and we ALL slept there…and guess what….we survived.


We had no running water back in those days…no paint on the old wooden pine walls, nor rugs on the old wooden floors …Yes, we were poor…much poorer even than I am now…My children have never been able to even fathom how we use to live when I was small…they quite simply would not believe me when I tried to tell them how it was back when I lived on Horseshoe Bend.


Maybe that is a good thing…I don’t know…but sometimes, hard times in your life…well…if they don’t kill you…they will surely make you all the stronger for it…more able to stand doing without.


The way the economy is now…and the way people have hardened their hearts to the true poor of this country…there will be a lot more folks doing without.


I just read a quote in Time Magazine from Andre Bauer; lieutenant governor of South Carolina and republican gubernatorial candidate….he said; “My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals . You know why? Because they breed.”


He was criticizing policies that extended welfare benefits to the poor.


I find serious fault with such a biased remark.


Now, first let me make it clear that I do not get welfare benefits…Even when I was out of work for over three months I did not get ANY help from welfare…my niece did, however, buy me some groceries God bless her heart….so no, I am not on welfare…but I do take offense at these words from Mr. Bauer.


I find it hard to believe that anyone could be so callous as to say something such as this. For him to utter those words and not clarify them, is outrageous.


Sure there are many, many people on ‘the system’ that do not deserve to be thereillegal aliens being number one…I feel that if you have not paid into the tax systems here in AMERICA , why in the hell do you think you deserve any of the benefits that those tax pay for??? Become an American citizen and PAY TAX like the rest of us for gosh sake.


But there are some truly needy people…people, that for some reason or the other, do actually need help


Our elderly population that only receive Social Security, and that have no other resources, being number one on the list…so yes it makes me livid to have read this quote from Mr. Bauer.


Oh, and another thing that crossed my mind today…


There wasn’t a stray animal, nor for that matter, a stray human being, that my poor mama didn’t feed or at least try to…and she barely had enough to feed us or herself…


And you know what???


I wouldn’t have wanted her to be any other way.


GOD BLESS YOU MY MAMA FOR BEING SUCH A LOVING AND COMPASSIONATE HUMAN BEING..


GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Friday, January 29, 2010

FOUR YEARS AGO

Four years ago today was a Sunday

Four years ago today the weather was sunny and cold….

I know this because…

Four years ago today my whole world was turned upside down…

I was no longer someone’s wife…

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I no longer had a loving husband…

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and our family was forever broken…

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Four years ago today…my Danny died.

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Although it has gotten easier over time to close my eyes…and eventually drift off to sleep…

I don’t think I will ever get use to Danny not lying there beside me…

When I turn over and see his pillow, I still have to will myself to close my eyes and think of other things….so it doesn’t hurt so much.

Last night, I dreamed of him… Me, him and Kat (his sis) were at our mobile home he and I once owned in the 70’s. In the dream, me and Kat knew that he was visiting us from the other side and we tried and tried to get Danny to tell us what it was like there…but he would only smile and say we would have to find out ourselves when the time came…that it was a big secret and he couldn’t tell us. He looked so good….so healthy and his hair wasn’t white, but the dark brown that it use to be when we were young….

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Funny, but I knew at the end of that dream

that I was beginning to wake up

and I also knew that …

I didn’t want to.

I love you Danny Noggle ….

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IN LOVING MEMORY OF:

DANIEL COPELAND NOGGLE

   07/14/1954  -  01/29/2006

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I AM MAWMAW

You know, when Danny died, four years ago this Friday, the one thing that fell on my heart like a ton of bricks, was the fact that we had no grandchildren to “carry on” for him, so to say.

It just tore at my heart that lonely night as I lay there in the darkness of our bedroom…. in our bed….alone for the first time in over 34 years. Though this old house was bursting at it seams that night with family…all here to help pull me through….I truly knew then what it felt like … to be alone.

        God bless all the widows and widowers.

                                dannyandmemtsa

                               2005* Our last trip to the mountains.

Danny and I would have long talks at night in that same bedimagining our grandchildren….how they would look … how they would acthow we would love them. It would be years later, according to the views of doctors…and specialists….that our hopes for grandchildren would be laid aside…put up…not to be spoken of…not to be mentioned again.

So, when Amanda found out she was pregnant in 2007 , it was a true miracle….proof that doctors do not know everything and that there is a Higher Power that knows more than anyone here on earth…..and I was over the moon with happiness.

Amanda would be so embarrassed each time I would walk up to her tummy and lean down to talk to my grandchild…that little fellow that I had yet to lay eyes on… and trust me….I talked to him everyday….I would tell him… “this is your Mawmaw little man and she loves you sooooo much…this is your Mawmaw talking to you” !

When Wyatt was born in June of 2008…my heart nearly burst … I never knew it could hold so much love for such a tiny little being. Only just shy of five pounds, he stole my whole heart the first time I ever saw him.

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We all debated on what Wyatt would call me when he got big enough to actually talk…Would it be Grandma, granny, nanny or big mamaor what?  When asked what I wanted him to call me…I would say;  ‘ I want him to call me Mawmaw or grandma , but whatever he calls me, I will be honored.’

            (Same thing goes for little William)

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Well….for the last few weeks…Wyatt has decided to call me Mawmaw…..and has gotten to where if I don’t hear him the first time, he will say very loudly and with conviction… ‘MAWMAW’ !!!

Sometimes I will pretend not to hear him, just to hear him say it again in that sweet little voice….it does my heart so good to hear that baby say it.

Yesterday, out of the blue, Wyatt came up to me looked me straight in the face and called me Grandmafor the first time ever…when I looked at him questionably … he grinned and looked back at me with those crystal blue eyes and said…MAWMAW ’  … and laughed and laughed …like he had just told me the funniest joke on earth !

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You know…

I believe that little ‘yet–to-be-born’ baby was actually listening to this old crazy woman all those months ago….and I proudly say….

I AM MAWMAW !

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GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

SWEET PEA

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She came here like all the others…someone “dropped her out”…she was a tiny little thing…just a ball of fur…and Danny, God bless him, like he did with all the little animals that came to our house….insisted that we keep her. It would be many, many years later… after Danny died…that I would find out that all the little kittens that were “dropped off” here at our house all the time…were actually placed here by Danny himself for me to find .

She was a funny looking little cat…like nature couldn’t make up her mind whether to let he be a  calico or what…She hung around the porch everyday  waiting to be fed or to get a little petting from me…and eventually I got attached to her. One day I went outside and she wasn’t there. I knew something was wrong and asked Danny had he seen her. He hadn’t and  just thought I was being a worry wart.

We asked around and Danny’s mom said she had seen some dogs fighting over something, but couldn’t tell what it was……I  can not remember how long she was gone …days?….before I dreamed one night that she was under the bridge that was just around the corner from our house, and she was crying …Before I went to work that day, I asked Danny would he go look there for her. He thought I was crazy, but he did it anyway…and sure enough…there she was…She had been ripped nearly in half by the big dogs…We took her to our Vet and he sewed her back together and cleaned her up the best he could.

Her little paw never did completely heal, but otherwise, she was fine…and she became my “Sweet Pea”.…growing old along with me and giving me what our fur babies give all of us….unconditional love.

She left me this morning…..

and my heart is broken.

Take care of her for me Danny, until I get there …okay ?

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

 

Friday, January 1, 2010

COUNTDOWN TO 2010

Well,  here we are…transported to 2010 just as if someone had said “Beam me up Scottie”  and Scottie did.

The years are flying by. Inside… in the inner part of my soul… I still feel young…like I was still 11 or 12….you know what I mean….like when you look in the mirror and wonder when you got so old ??  But my physical body tells the tale every time I try to do things that I use to could do with no problem…and now it is a pain in the you-know-where to do them.

But 2010….just saying it sounds so fictional…so futuristic….it doesn’t even seem real when you think of it. Especially if you were born back in the 1940’s or 50’s or earlier. It is the hardest thing for me… not to say ‘19something’ instead of  2010…I think we ought to go back to the 1900’s…maybe put a b on it or something…like 1910-b.  :-)

Amanda is doing better. She is sore as the dickens and still has a small opening where her incision is . We have to clean it twice a day and that tends to make her hurt…I hate having to do it, but I know it is for her own good.

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    Have you ever seen eyes this blue?

Little William is doing good. He has a voracious appetite and wakes up every two to three hours for his feeding. He seems to be growing and thriving well. Wyatt is taking having a new baby in the house very well. He has gotten a little hyper-active, but I think that is because of a need for a little extra attention now from his mama. All in all, he loves his little brother dearly and will stop what he is doing if he hears the slightest grunt from William and go check on him.

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Amanda, Kelvin, Dan and babies went to Charity’s and Chris's house for a get together, so I had a quiet New Years Eve. I just sat at home and played Facebook games and watched the television. I didn’t think I would last till 12:00, but I did … just barely!

 I did real good being alone…

until the last part…

You know…there is something about the countdown on New Year’s Eve…

Now, this is going to sound so hokey, but you see…back in the day…back when we were lucky enough to be a family…we made it a point that at exactly on the strike of 12:00 we all were in our living room…holding hands …Me, Danny, Amanda, and Dan…

and we would welcome in the New Year together….

holding on to each others hand ….

Holding on to each other.

So yes…there is something about that countdown and…

Something about  the singing of  “Aude Lang Syne” that touches your heart and soul and brings back so many, many memories…..

Of days long gone and missed so much.

I know….

 The clock can not stand still

Otherwise I wouldn’t have little Wyatt and William to love…

But I sure do wish it would slow down every once in a while.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL