Monday, October 11, 2010

IF ONLY I COULD…

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For once; three sisters with their mama.

Is there anything more comforting than food that your mama use to cook for you? I find it so odd that the food that we had almost daily, is the exact food that I crave when the world turns upside down and I am wondering how much longer I can hold on.

Tonight I cooked blackeyed peas and cornbread for mine and Dan’s supper…I had started ‘looking’ some dry pinto beans when Dan, sitting across the table from me, said, “Mama, are those blackeyed peas???” I knew instantly that he was wanting  peas instead, so I put some water over the pinto beans to cook later on tomorrow, and began ‘looking’ the blackeyed peas.

(For those who don’t know; looking is the act of  looking through the dry beans/peas for any tiny rocks, dirt, etc. to get rid of before washing and cooking…something I was taught to do once married and cooking for my own little family)

My mama made the best blackeyed peas!  Usually when she had them for supper, she also cooked collard greens and cornbread to go along with them. Just ask Dan and he will tell you that his GRANDMA LINDSEY cooked the BEST blackeyed peas and collards!  He tells me that I come close, but hers is and always will be the BEST!  (I think ALL her grandchildren would say the same thing if asked!  That’s okay by me, because it is the truth!)

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Kay, Mama’s oldest grandchild, came home for the first time in years. Kay is not only my niece, but also my hero…a very brave and strong Christian lady.

The loss of Laura Ashley has cut our hearts and added a new scar. I can’t and won’t talk about it now, it is too sad…. but her loss has me pondering about a lot of things. If any good came out of her death,it is that it brought family back together.

I’ve been looking way back and thinking about how my life has played out so far and have been regretting the many mistakes I have made. I’ve been wondering why things happen the way they do and what I would do differently if only God would give me a chance to go back in time…

 I know that I would…

Truly honor my parents…Oh,  I learned the ten commandments back in my early childhood, but it wasn’t until I got much older, with  children of my own, that I fully understood what the word HONOR meant. I know now that it goes right along with r-e-s-p-e-c-t… and if I had the chance today, I would do al lot more honoring and respecting  and I would wrap my arms around my parents and tell them how much I appreciate all the sacrifices they made for me. Sacrifices that I didn’t even notice at the time.

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Isn’t she beautiful?? My cousin; who will always be “Baby Helen” to us…thanks to my mama.

I would sit down with my Granny and both my parents and ask all about their childhoods and their lives and I would write it all down,  so that when I became my age now and my children wanted to know,  I wouldn’t have to worry about having forgot it.

I would  put my all into being a good student. Oh, I did pretty good in school…but I was so lazy when it came to putting my all into it. So, if given the chance, I would sit in every class, everyday and be a virtual sponge soaking up all the knowledge that was thrown my way….and if I didn’t understand some bit of  information, I would be brave enough to hold my hand up and ask .

I would care less of what others thought of me and strive to please GOD more. I would be brave enough to laugh in the face of those silly girls in grade school who  wouldn’t play with me or teased me about being poor….

For poor I was not…

I was rich in what mattered most.

 I had love.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

9 comments:

Donna said...

Great entry, Carlene.

Paula said...

so sorry for another loss in your family Carlene. Your sweet Mama still looks the same as when I first read your journal. I've never heard it called "looking". My Mama called it picking beans, meaning picking the rocks out. She was orginally from Oklahoma.

Adirondackcountrygal said...

You have a beautiful family!

Suzi Que said...

Just precious, Carlene! I remember helping mama 'look' the beans and peas... She called it that, just like your Mama and you, and I, call it.
I loved reading this - it's as if you wrote from -my- heart.
I love you.

Sue

madcobug said...

Great entry Carlene. Glad that you have that many family left. God bless you and all your family. Lovya, Helen

Anonymous said...

This was sweet and true Carlene..I wish I could go back too and as you I never would have worried about who knew what about me. Its almost funny now that there is no shame in being from unwed parents but back when I was little..there were folks who would not let their kids play with me..my self esteem was nothing. If I could go back, like you I would not care. I would hold my head up and go on..keep on writing my friend, one day I will say, "I knew Carlene before she was famous". I love you...

Barbara said...

I understand what you are saying, Carlene. It's a shame we can't have more wisdom at a younger age. But thank God we can acquire it before we die!

Jimmy's Journal said...

You can serve me blackeyed peas and cornbread seven days a week!

Jimmy

Gerry said...

I enjoyed these sentiments. I think you always say something to think about that is for our greater good. I am thankful that we did not let some of the things they did in their earlier days stop us from taking care of our parents when they got old or sick and needed it. All in all they had their strengths. I had one sister who was a true angel when it came to taking care of other people and forgiving. She was always concerned about everyone and is to this day. I have always been thankful our family was blessed with her presence in it as she is there to remind us lest we forget when someone is ailing or might need our thoughts and attention. I was the oldest and did take responsibility for the younger sisters especially when I returned from the 7 years I spent away from school, but she was always there. She also showed her husband's family the same regard and attention and they all love her too.