Sunday, August 9, 2009

SUNDAY

 

              carlene

I am  so  bored…. I never thought I would use that  child-like expression. I guess that it’s a good thing to be bored in a way….Think about it…If you are bored , then you have no immediate big or tragic problems in your life.

Oh sure, I have lots of problems ; a 13 year old car that needs replacing, no money to replace it with, bills out of the Y-ZOO that I will have to work till I die to pay,  and a refrigerator that has been a pain in the butt since I bought it new three years ago…just to mention a few of the monetary problems of my life…but I have no immediate life or death problems ( that I know of anyway) and for that I am grateful God…. prayer38

 

But I am still b-o-r-e-d.

As I was thinking this morning, I know what it is

When Danny was alive; we use to get up on the days that I didn’t work and get in the car and ride the country roads…or go fishing in the boat or on the bank of the lake….or go grocery shopping or ride to the nearby  mountains…or visit friends and family….or just talk….to each other.

missingdanny

 

Oh sure, I could still do most all of that by myself …( if I had the “want to”) , but I know it wouldn’t be the same without Danny there with me… The fun, the excitement and the wonder that we experienced together wouldn’t be there either….so….

I am left with being bored.

I do not go to see Amanda or Wyatt on Sundays, because that is the only day that she and Kelvin and Wyatt have alone together as a family…

0805091333

Wyatt in my old tin tub last week.

So, I spent today alternately playing Farm Town on Face Book and taking naps. There is something sort of sad and pitiful about a 55 year old woman having to play Farm Town for company isn’t it?

Oh, I didn’t lollygag around all day…I got up around 6:30 am  and swept the floors, made the bed, washed the clothes, mopped the floors,  picked the tomatoes, walked the dogs, (45 times it seems), washed the front porch off,  washed the car, did the dishes, took a shower, and eventually cooked supper. ( We had fried green tomatoes, great northern beans, fried okra, hamburger patties and gravy…and sweet ice tea)

So no, I didn’t just sit here staring at the walls.carleneDs Designs Change           

 

You know…

I guess what I am truly feeling is alone and empty

Like part of me is missing

And it is.

Yes, that’s the right word…

Empty.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

15 comments:

JOHN said...

Carlene,
I know that feeling.I hate those days when you feel.Blah no matter how busy you are.Im not sure who Danny was. Ive got to read back thru your blog and read your past entries.My prayers are with you.No one likes to feel lonely.Do you know you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.Stop by and drop a line to me.
Sincerly,
JOHN

madcobug said...

I know the feeling of being bored. With this back problem there isn't much I can do. At least you stayed busy which helps a lot. May God continue to keep you and bless you. Loved Wyatt in the washtub. That used to be our means of taking a bath when I was a youngster. Lovya, Helen

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

That feeling doesn't quite ever go away either and it isn't being bored at all. As you've said there is always lots to do. And you did do alot. Now it's you and no one else to share it with and I have felt the same since my hubby died too. I do alot and try looking on the bright side as often as I can. To dwell on what is missing in my life only pulls me down and I so I try never to do that. It still happens now and then, but I don't let the thoughts stick around long. Hope you don't either. Memories are nice but we can only be thankful for them and move on.

Donna said...

I can understand, at least as much as someone can who has never walked in your shoes. Those of us who have a spouse with us take for granted that there is somebody at hand we can talk to and shar littl e things with. At least thanks to reading this post, perhaps today I'll take Cliff just a little less "for granted". I'm thankful that you have the Internet to divert you a little.

Cindi ;) said...

maybe you can find a place to hang out...try dance lessons, or a another part time job to take you away..a movie theater ..I know it doesnt replace what you're missing, but maybe it could fill a need...
xoxox

Lisa said...

I imagine you are feeling empty. It isn't easy to lose your best friend and then carry on without them. I can't even think about not having my Doug with me...to do exactly the things you spoke of. I'm sorry you have to feel so empty.
xxx
Lisa

Indigo said...

Paul and I do the same things you and Danny do. I've been so absorbed in my writing lately, I've forgotten how much of a part of me he is on those road trips we take.

Your in my thoughts dear friend! (Hugs)Indigo

Sayit-baldys said...

WYATT IN THE NO. 3 WASHTUB BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OF MY BABYHOOD.
I WAS THE CENTER OF THREE YOUNGEST.

MOTHER HEATED THE BATHWATER WHILE THE TUB WAS UP ON THE KITCHEN RANGE AND DAD WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO LIFT THE TUB DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR.

I WOULD GLADLY HAVE SKIPPED MY BATH, NOT SO WITH MOTHER. SO I TRIED TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT BY STAYING CLEAN BECAUSE THE CLEANEST ONE GOT THE FIRST BATH, ALL USING THE SAME WATER AND OF COURSE GETTING COOLER ALL THE TIME.

THIS WAS WHEN WE LIVED ON THE HOMESTEAD IN WESTERN COLORADO IN THE 1920s.

DEAR OLD MOTHER. I REALIZE NOW HOW HARD SHE AND DAD WORKED. I NEVER HEARD EITHER COMPLAIN.

YEARS LATER WHEN A TEENAGER DURING THE GREAT DEPRESSION READING STATEMENTS OF POLITICIANS THAT GOOD TIMES WERE JUST AROUND THE CORNER. TRUTH WAS IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE CORNER WE JUST PASSED.

SORRY ABOUT GETTING CARRIED AWAY CARLENE. DONT BE WORRIED ABOUT BEING BORED. BETTER TIMES ARE AROUND THE CORNER. sam

Arlene (AJ) said...

Have you thought of getting into a support group, where you'll get to meet other new friends who know what you are going through and will allow you to make new friends to share time with. My Sis Mary Ann did this after her hubby passed away 3 years ago and it's been such a big help for her. She now belongs to a card group, a group of girls that go out and have lunch, take in movies, go places together and most of all they are there for each other in good and down times.

Paula said...

Is there another widow in your area you could take a ride with and share expensences? It wouldn't matter her age, she would understand. I had one friend who was 20 years older then me but she was still "with it". We went to walks together a lot and talked. Not putting down the way you are feeling, just trying to help. You know I've been there and done that. Not a good feeling.

Sonya said...

Carlene, I am sorry that there is an empty feeling. I know my Mom must be going thru these same things. I KNOW she does.

You DID seem to keep going anyway and keep busy. I'm bored today but in a different way. I'm all caught up. What a rarity. Just another hour or so left.

Hope you week is going along well. Big hugs.
Sonya

Gerry said...

It seems like most of us have experienced these feelings, even if we don't really have a certain one we are missing. I guess then we miss having that certain one to give a lift to our days. I don't know if and when you will ever get over missing Danny, but I just read Paula's comment who said a nice woman companion helped her to get over the loss of her husband, and eventually that wound healed, although I am sure that if a woman has been happy and content with a husband a part of her will always miss him especially if there are considerable years to get through when he is gone. So sorry. Gerry

Bob said...

Hi There, I just read your post, I guess its hard when you lose someone and end up alone. I was going to suggest you get a dog as they can be great company and good at getting you out the house for a bit but then I saw you already have one so you know all that I guess. Only other thing I can suggest is to say drop us a line if you even want a chat. I can't promise I will always be free but if I am I don't mind spending a while chatting. Bob.

Missie said...

I always think it's a blessing to be bored! LOL

Happy Hump Day!

kanishk said...

May God continue to keep you and bless you. Loved Wyatt in the washtub. That used to be our means of taking a bath when I was a youngster. Lovya,
How to make a website